When I went through my divorce, it was one of the most difficult yet transformative experiences of my life. At 38 years old, I realized that I didn’t truly know who I was. My identity was tied almost entirely to my roles—wife, mom, nurse, friend—but not to me as a person. I didn’t know it then, but in that moment, I started on a path: how to find yourself.
This kind of identity shift can happen after any major life change—kids moving out, the loss of a loved one, a career change, or divorce. What I learned is that in order to have healthy relationships—including the one with myself—I had to discover who I was, outside of anyone else.
How I Rebuilt My Identity
Rebuilding my identity wasn’t neat or linear, but it began with curiosity. I started with asking myself questions like:
- What do I actually like?
- What makes me feel alive?
- What drains me?
- What do I need right now?
- What do I need?
- What do I want?
At first, I didn’t know the answers. But I made a promise to myself to keep asking—and to try new things until I found them. I rearranged my home, went to trivia nights, went to a dance club, tried dating apps, ate cereal for dinner, and learned to sit with myself.
The most important habit I built was five minutes of meditation and five minutes of journaling every morning. This daily ritual reminded me that my thoughts, feelings, and voice mattered to me. Slowly, I began to prioritize myself—and I discovered that being by myself could be not just tolerable, but nourishing.
Why Knowing Yourself Matters in Relationships
When you know yourself, you stop seeking relationships to “complete” you. Taking time to find yourself and who you are, allows you to show up whole, not needing anyone else to make you that way.
That shift changes everything:
- You can set boundaries without fear because your needs matter.
- You can communicate honestly without walking on eggshells.
- You can love freely because you’re not giving from emptiness.
Healthy relationships aren’t about finding someone to fill our missing pieces. They’re about two whole people choosing to walk together.
How to Start Your Own Self-Discovery Journey
If you’re ready to learn how to find yourself, but don’t know where to start. Here are the practices that helped me the most:
1. Create Space to Hear Your Own Voice
Journaling is one of the best tools for self-awareness. Try a brain dump to clear your thoughts or gratitude journaling to focus on the good. Mindful walks—without music or podcasts—can also help you tune in to your senses and inner voice.
2. Get Curious About Yourself
Ask questions like:
- What are my core values?
- What do I need more of or less of right now?
- What lights me up? What drains me?
Experiment with small “micro adventures” and notice what brings joy or resistance.
3. Start Small and Keep Promises to Yourself
Choose one small, consistent daily practice—whether it’s meditation, journaling, or a mindful walk—and stick with it. Building trust and showing up for yourself starts in small daily practices.
4. Learn to Sit With Discomfort
Healing requires patience. Awkwardness, grief, and discomfort are part of growth. They won’t break you—they’re simply feelings to move through. Don’t rush the process.
5. Give Yourself Permission to Make Mistakes
Your journey won’t be perfect, and that’s okay. Staying true to yourself, even if it disappoints others, is one of the most loving things you can do—for you and for the people who truly matter.
Final Thoughts
Knowing yourself is one of the most powerful forms of personal growth. It allows you to build healthy relationships, live authentically, and create a life rooted in peace and clarity.
You don’t need to reinvent yourself—you just need to rediscover the real you who has been there all along.
If you are looking for this, how to find yourself, I would love to help!
Empowering women who have experienced infidelity to create a path forward to a life that you love!
1:1 Betrayal Recovery Coaching
- This two-part coaching experience is designed to help you process what’s happened, reconnect with your sense of self, and begin rebuilding a life rooted in clarity, strength, and self-trust.
- Schedule your first session here
Join Your Daily Dose of Wellness membership: Learn more here
Busy schedule? No problem! This Wellness membership is designed for real life, giving you practical, doable challenges delivered straight to your inbox every morning. Small, intentional steps = BIG results for your health and happiness!
Each morning, you’ll receive an email with a simple, focused wellness practice for the day. No fluff. No pressure. Just small, intentional steps that add up to meaningful change.
Also included: Monthly workshop, Book Recommendation, & Weekly Walks
My podcast!! Listen in your way:
7-Day Wellness Challenge- Register here
- This 7-day email challenge will help you stay accountable and motivated to build the foundational habits towards sustainable healthy living.
Follow me on Social Media:
See what wellness looks like for me in my everyday life & you get more pictures of Lilo!!
- Instagram– follow my stories and reels
- On Pinterest – come pin with me – check out my boards for my favorite meal planning ideas and more!
- & if you want to dive into wellness a more, join my FREE private Facebook Group: Wellness for Real Life- body, mind and spirit
Be well,
Faith
***Some of the links in my posts contain affiliate links and I will receive a small commission if you make a purchase after clicking on my link. I pinky promise I will always give my honest opinion of any product and would never recommend something if I did not use and love it!!
D I S C L A I M E R Anything that I discuss about making any lifestyle changes is from my own experience and/or other clients personal experiences and may not be suited for you. It is strongly recommended that you consult with your health professional before making changes in your own life. By engaging in anything that I talk about, you agree that you do so at your own risk.