As we move deeper into December and step fully into the holiday season, there’s a message I want to share with anyone who is struggling:
If this doesn’t feel like “the most wonderful time of the year” for you…
you’re not doing anything wrong.
The holidays can feel complicated—especially when your heart is hurting, when you’re surviving more than celebrating, when the world around you is talking about joy and magic and connection while you’re just trying to make it through the day.
I have lived through many Decembers like that myself.
So if this is you right now, I see you.
And I want to help you navigate this season gently—not by pretending everything is fine, but by honoring your real life exactly as it is.
No pressure.
No forced cheer.
Just compassionate, grounded ways to move through the holidays with more peace.
1. Let the Holidays Be Different This Year
One of the deepest sources of holiday pain comes from expecting everything to feel like it used to.
But when life changes… traditions often need to change too.
You’re not failing because this year feels different.
You’re not doing it wrong because your excitement isn’t there.
You’re not “ruining” anything because your heart isn’t in the same place.
Sometimes the most healing, honest thing you can say is:
“This year is different… and I’m going to allow it to be different.”
You don’t have to recreate past holidays in order to get through this one.
Meet yourself where you are, evaluate what feels right, and give yourself permission to shift your traditions—whether you’re going through a hard season or simply growing into a new one.
2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel
If you’re grieving, anxious, numb, overwhelmed, or unsure how to show up during the holidays, nothing about that is wrong.
This isn’t something to fix.
It’s something to honor.
Holidays often stir up unexpected emotions. You may laugh one minute and cry the next. That doesn’t mean you’re unstable—it means you’re human and holding a lot.
Try saying:
- “My feelings make sense.”
- “There’s nothing wrong with me for feeling this way.”
- “I don’t have to force joy to be worthy of love.”
You can be in a hard season and still be a good parent, friend, partner, or human being.
And pretending you’re okay when you’re not doesn’t serve you—or the people you love.
3. Decide What You Can Do… Instead of What You “Should” Do
Hard seasons shift our capacity. That isn’t weakness—that’s reality.
Instead of asking yourself “What should I do this holiday?”, try asking:
“What can I do with the energy I actually have?”
Maybe you can:
- go to the gathering, but only for an hour
- skip hosting this year
- choose the traditions that truly matter and let the others go
- enjoy a quiet day at home
- use store-bought foods instead of making everything from scratch
Let your capacity—not your obligations—guide your decisions this year.
4. Create a Plan for Your Triggers
The holidays can bring up so many emotional triggers:
complex family dynamics, empty seats, old memories, unwanted questions, or the pressure to act “normal.”
Creating a gentle plan can help.
Ask yourself:
- What events feel supportive?
- What events feel draining?
- Where might I need a boundary?
- Who feels safe for me right now?
A few simple boundary phrases you can use:
- “I’m not ready to talk about that right now.”
- “This year I’m doing what feels best for me.”
- “Thank you for understanding.”
- “I’m taking things one day at a time.”
You don’t need to justify protecting your peace.
5. Build Small Routines That Bring You Comfort
Hard seasons don’t usually allow for big fixes—but small, steady moments of grounding can make a powerful difference.
Consider adding tiny rituals like:
- a morning walk
- a cup of tea in silence
- relaxing music in the car
- a cozy movie night
- 10 minutes of journaling
- lighting a candle each evening
- texting a trusted friend when things feel heavy
Your nervous system needs pockets of calm.
These simple moments matter more than you think.
6. Make Room for Both Grief and Joy
A common struggle during hard holidays is feeling guilty for moments of joy—like laughing or enjoying something means you’re “moving on.”
But here’s the truth:
Healing allows for both grief and joy.
You can deeply miss what you lost…
and still appreciate what you have.
Joy doesn’t betray your pain.
It simply means you’re alive, human, and capable of holding two truths at once.
7. Choose One Meaningful Thing
If everything feels overwhelming, simplify.
Ask yourself:
“What is one thing that would make this season feel more gentle for me?”
Just one.
Maybe it’s…
- putting up a small tree instead of your big one
- volunteering somewhere meaningful
- baking one favorite treat instead of five
- writing a compassionate letter to yourself
- taking a short trip
- staying home in your pajamas with a puzzle
- starting a new, simple tradition
This year is not about doing more.
It’s about choosing meaning over pressure.
8. Remember: You Don’t Have to Be “Okay” to Be Present
Your presence matters more than your performance.
You don’t need to be upbeat to be loved.
You don’t need to hide your reality for others to feel comfortable.
You don’t need to have all the pieces together to show up.
The people who truly care for you will understand that this season looks different.
Let yourself be human.
Let yourself be real.
A Short Grounding Moment
If you’d like, take a slow breath with me…
Inhale gently.
Exhale fully.
And remind yourself:
- I don’t have to force this season.
- I can move through it gently.
- I can honor my heart.
- I can choose what supports me.
- And I will not always feel this way.
A Final Word of Compassion
If the holidays feel heavy this year, hear this clearly:
You are not behind because you’re grieving.
You are not broken because you’re struggling.
You are not failing because this season looks different.
You’re human.
You’re healing.
And you’re doing the best you can with what you’ve been carrying.
Let this season be real.
Let it be softer.
Let it be yours.
And if all you manage to do is breathe, rest, and care for your heart—even just a little—that is enough.
Join Me for a December Workshop
On Thursday, December 18th, I’m hosting a special workshop on Zoom:
Creating Presence, Boundaries, and Joy During the Holidays
If this season feels heavy, complicated, or overwhelming, I would love to support you.
Click here for more details.
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